it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
