Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
