My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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