Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
