If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
