dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You made out with two different species that night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to calm my uterus...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
