You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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