If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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