Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
