question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
