if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
