You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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