I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
