I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
