Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your penis caused this!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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