I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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