you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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