AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
