Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
