lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
