OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
