i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
