It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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