I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize