your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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