How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
