I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
