If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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