Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
