I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
