if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
