in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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