90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
