You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize