im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
