what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
