Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
