six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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