yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
