So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
how drunk are you?
Several
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
