Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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