that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
