we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
