I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it glows. i had to have it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
