can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
