I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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