is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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