I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
