Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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