This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its about making memories worth repressing
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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