Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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