Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
