I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
