soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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