please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
