Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
