Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
