I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
