Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
