He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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