I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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