dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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