did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
