Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
