My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
