member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
