Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
