Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
