Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
