He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
