You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
