he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
